Saturday, March 9, 2013

Be Sure to Spring Ahead Tonight

If the best thing you have to do on a Saturday is check this crappy blog, chances are you're clinically depressed. Psychologists say that extra daylight can help you snap out of the blues, and Daylight Savings Time is just around the corner, so your crippling melancholy might be nearing an end.

But hey, maybe you were just starting to enjoy your Seasonal Effective Disorder; maybe you don't want to "escape the crushing spiral of depression."- Here's the trick to maintaining your debilitating mental condition: Purchase some of our Motorcycle Sunglasses and wear them 100% of the time.

Of course, there might be other signs of spring that infect your den of depression, such as the joyous chorus of birds in the morning. To avoid this torment, you'll need to loop Finnish death metal through your motorcycles speaker. Nobody knows wintertime angst like the Finns.

If none of this works, and you feel yourself awaking from the nightmare of depression, just watch NBC's prime-time sitcom lineup on your TV. You'll plummet back into existential despair -- we promise.

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